Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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