she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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