evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
