Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize