so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
