Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
