it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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