I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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