Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
