Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Randomize
