where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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