I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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