you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
