Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
