I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
