Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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