I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
