The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
