He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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