i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
