he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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