So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
