I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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