Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
