we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
