When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
