I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize