Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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