just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
