I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
