A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just tell him i said nine months
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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