I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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