Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
