im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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