I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
