Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
