You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
