I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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