I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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