you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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