apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
