You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
