so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
