I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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