i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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