Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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