I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
