Non-Jews are for practice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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