Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
