I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
