dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
