Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
