i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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