Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
