just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize