Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
