i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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