but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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