Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
