id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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