Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize