is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
