my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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