the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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