i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
