Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
