is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize