Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
