I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
