Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
