I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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