there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
