She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
