I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
