Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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